Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Sitting Down With Jersey Shore Juice Bar Employee, Breeana Norton

CC: Joining me this afternoon for the Sit Down is high school senior, Jersey native and assistant manager of Surf Blendz Juice & Smoothies in Sea Isle City, Breeana Norton. Hey Breeana, how are you doing?

Bree: Pretty good. I spell my name with a Y, two N's and an H by the way. 

CC: Well we're not going to do that today Bree, because that's retarded. What we will do is figure out what happened when I came in to have lunch yesterday.  

Bree: Um okay, I don't think I remember you. Were you the guy who was all like 'RRAHH RHARR! Where's my friggin blueberry boost?!?' all red and sweating and everything? No, wait, that was my boyfriend. Who are you again?

CC: Let's start from the beginning. I came in around 2 for a drink, and saw that you also sold fish tacos. And by the way, I just noticed that you even have burgers and pizza for sale?! Nothing about the name of the business indicates any of that. Don't you think that's confusing, or at the very least hurting your sales?

Bree: Well maybe, but if someone's like super mega thirsty and they come in for a smoothie, then they're like WHOA, I can have a taco or a chicken cutlet hoagie with that so it's like BOH-NISS! We also have ice cream, cheesesteaks, sushi, soft serve, Philly cheesesteaks, and California rolls. 

CC: Those are all the same thi--- whatever. Anyway when I asked you if the Mahi Mahi was grilled or fried, your answer made me want to electrocute myself. Do you remember what you said?

Bree: Sure, it's grilled in the fryer. Like donuts and bacon. Depends. Sometimes in the skittle. Or skillet I mean. Haha, I always say that wrong. Skill-LET. It's sooo weird.  

CC: I don't understand what any of that means, or how you're a real person. The thing that's really been troubling me is that when you finally delivered the order to my table 45 minutes later, and it was wrong in every conceivable way an order can be wrong, you apologized and said that you were closed for the day. 

Bree: Yeah, we were. We close at 2:00pm. We're actually closed now so I should probably go. My best friend Kassy from the Shrimp Sucker is picking me up soon and we're going to Pirate Pizza for cosmic oysters and 151 jello face blasters. Plus, I have like a major headache from thinking. You're like soo funny with these questions though. Like I feel like I'm being casted on the news right now. 

CC: With all due respect, are you or Kassy ever worried that an eager, industrious Moldovan or Ukrainian student from the State Department's J-1 summer work program may swoop in and take your job one day - happily clocking in twice as many hours for half the pay?

Bree: I like totally don't appreciate the weird trick sentences you're using right now, with all kinds of word problems and immigrant names or whatever, and sooo if you don't leave I'm going to text my boyfriend Pecorino, who will seriously eff you up after his knuckle stitches are removed.  

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