Sunday, November 18, 2012
Guess What I Did
This past weekend, I did one of the following five things. Guess which one and I'll send you an Insane Italian tote bag filled with mystery surprises. Mostly year-old US Weekly's and mildewy wine corks. But maybe some other things too. Fish food, citronella candles, surgical lubricant...junk drawer kind of stuff.
1) Drew up a comprehensive escape plan to the airport in case of a bio-terrorist attack, outlining all ideal driving, cycling and walking routes. Sealed it in a coded envelope and hid it inside a plush Paddington Bear doll.
2) Fell asleep in my bathtub while listening to Enya and drinking Ouzo.
3) Accidentally shaved a little too much off in one area while trimming my chest hair, and then after multiple, obsessive, over-corrections, one thing led to another and 90 minutes later I had removed all of my torso hair and am now completely shorn from the waist up.
4) Ate eleven clementines, four bowls of popcorn and watched eight straight hours of Homeland wearing only a t-shirt with my lower body wrapped in a throw blanket.
5) Volunteered at a Philly animal shelter helping clean cages, but secretly aided the release of over a dozen animals back into the wild through a side door. (Six of which unfortunately died after being caught in gang crossfire only minutes after being freed)
So there you have it folks. Five things. One of them actually happened. Guess it and guess it good. By the way, posts this week will be most likely be on hold. It's Thanksgiving, and ain't nobody got time for internetin' on Thanksgiving.