Friday, December 7, 2012

Word on the Street: New Year's Resolutions

Closing in fast on the last night of the year. Always seems to sneak up on you doesn't it? This time, I'm not surprised or disappointed by it though. It's been a good, full one for me. In 2012 I joined a CSA and shed almost 40 lbs of Bufala mozzarella and prosciutto di Parma. I quit taking Limocello shots for breakfast, cut Facebook out of my life and started reading books again. I saw a therapist about my anger towards anyone that wasn't me, upgraded my soup can & string to an iPhone, and bought a big screen TV to watch horrible reality show specimens embarrass themselves on an even bigger stage. I also thought about going back to church, stopped watching neighbors with binoculars and even asked the woman I love to marry me. (She said yes.)

So I await this new year with open arms. Hopefully I'll make a little more money than a Mexican child peddling Chiclets on an Acapulco beach. Because currently I do not. But otherwise I just hope to remain happy, optimistic and to the best of my ability, healthy. What more could anyone strive for? Let's find out what everyday folks from across this great land are promising themselves to achieve in 2013.

As usual, I try to find the most average, salt of the earth Americans for this segment. And pardon my pride but I have to say, I feel like I'm really starting to get my finger on the pulse of our people lately. Really gettin' it.

Lastly, to any readers out there in hinterland, feel free to chime in! What are some of your resolutions this new year?

"No date rapes. No DUI's. No assaults. 2013 is gonna be squeaky clean! I mean, the manslaughter charges from last year's Reno laundromat brawl haven't gone to trial yet, but that shouldn't technically count." 

"My resolution is to continue dismantling the stereotype that Asians do nothing but study formulas and perform mathematical calculations all day long. I'm here to prove that we can slut it up, sloppy-drunk style just like any white girl" 

"My resolution is to finally pinpoint exactly where my life veered off course. That key moment where all my friends went to grad school and started families, and I said "No. I've got a better way."

"I think its pretty clear what I'll be focusing my energy on this year."

"Resolutions? None really. I honestly cant think of any. Everything's been going great. Actually...I do need to slay my parents before Easter and eat their lungs to acquire their spirits. So that's definitely something in the pipeline."

"This year I vow to not fly any tourists around the island until I actually get a pilot's license."  

"Ummmm, I mean it depends. It's either watch less football or drink less barley wine. Either way its going to be difficult. No question about that."

"I saw on Dr. Oz once that carrying around a secret for a long time can actually increase your risk of heart disease. Even more so than fast food. So, I'll probably tell someone where I keep the bodies."

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