Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Naughty List Leaked!

Using my Compaq Presario 65000XG-II Desktop PC with Infinitum Excelerator color monitor and built in speakers, I was able to hack into Santa Claus' actual, 2012 naughty list, complete with his personal notes! (Yes, that Santa Claus.)

Since I'm feeling particularly generous today, I thought I'd share some of it with you as a gesture of goodwill, but also as a warning to those who might be on the cusp this year. There's still time to sway Ol' Saint Nick's mind in the coming days. Do the right thing. Be nice. Be smart. You never know who's watching.

NAUGHTY LIST - UPDATED 12-12-12 - 2:27 PM EST 

Jon and Linda Herschberg - Flemington, NJ 

(parents of this child)

Anne Giblock - Muskegon, MI

(3rd offense since Halloween. Repeatedly warned about public dairy gorging)

Jerome Billings - Rockville, MD

(unacceptable device usage)

Krista Manzanarlo, Trish Giambrietta and Jessa Finacarlissima - New Brunswick, NJ

(4th night in a row smashed on cotton candy flavored vodka & zinfandel)

Breanna Nussbaum & Lt. Jerry Q Thortnon III - Pocatello, ID

(contaminating future gene pool)  

Everyone in this club - Moultonborough, NH

(Seriously. OkCupid is free.)

Jaquille Jones, Fraquinzy Smith, Dremajesty Williams, Tyerexy Ruiz, Nazareth Cole, Lemonjello Walsh - Savannah, GA 

(alphabetical list of offenses attached in a separate PDF file)

Dwight Gleaves - Montrose, CO

(disregarded his entire family's request to not go on television about this)

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