Needless to say, I won't be posting this week as I'll be jowl-deep in a steel trough full of Duff's hot, extra-crispy wings slathered in creamy, chunky gobs of Bleu cheese. Typing or texting will surely be out of the question. And when I'm not doing that, I'll be getting married again, but this time just for show. Plus it's also my birthday this weekend. I'll be like so depressingly old that I may have a celebrity-style meltdown. Not so much a single barrel Charlie Sheen, but more of an Amanda Bynes/Anne Heche blend with notes of Martin Lawrence peppered throughout, topped off with a strong Britney finish.
I've also decided that Thursdays will now be the guaranteed day I post each week. I used a very elaborate algorithm to determine precisely when I should be releasing new posts in order to fully optimize my efficiency and readership. The algorithm concluded "Tuesdays and Wednesdays are stupid, and the weekends are for doing stuff." Thursdays were instantly a perfect fit. I may post various miscellany on other days as well, but you can all surely look forward to new fresh treats each and every Thursday starting July 18. Thank you for your patience.
*And if it's bugging you that my algorithm did not factor in Mondays as a potential new post day, that's because everybody knows Mondays are a time for quiet, intimate reflection while sitting alone on the floor of your closet, sucking on Jolly Ranchers and crying into a plastic bottle of Popov with a Kokopelli quilt you bought at the Santa Fe airport draped over your head. Duh.