Monday, May 13, 2013

Sitting Down With Liquor Store Thief & Unlicensed Pharmaceutical Salesman, Tay Tay Da'Quande

Joining me this afternoon for the Sit Down is local Philly personality and entrepreneur, Mr.Tay Tay Da'Quande. We only have a few minutes to speak with him since his picture was just broadcast on Good Day Philly this morning in connection with a brazen cognac and flavored rum robbery over Mother's Day weekend at South Street Fine Wine & Spirits. 

Tay Tay: Shit's gettin hot. PPD closing in fast. Whatchu wanna know?

CC: I understand you're in a rush Tay Tay, and I will certainly respect that. I think what most people would like to know is why you don't just pay for the alcohol with your drug sales earnings instead of stealing it every weekend from stores all over the city? 

Tay Tay: Plain and simple CC, I can't afford it. Have you seen the prices of Courvoisier and Hpnotiq lately? Plus when you factor in the PA liquor tax, it's just insanity. Shit, I gots bills to pay just like all yalls. My AC murders kilowatts in the summertime. Comcast ain't getting any cheaper. As far as my business, profits are lean and far between. Big pharma is too unstable. R & D costs are out of control and retail prices went bananas years ago. Customers can't keep up. 

CC: This past weekend, witnesses said you were completely naked when you ran through the South Street store with a sledgehammer and a tote bag, pilfering bottles. Any reason for choosing that style this time? It doesn't coincide with your usual M.O. of dressing like a mentally retarded elderly woman and defecating yourself when approached by security? 

Tay Tay: Gotta keep it fresh man, haha. But seriously, I actually meant to put some clothes on, but I smoked some really jacked up dust before I went in and I think I lost my mind a little bit. Halfway though I was like "Damn Tay Tay, you don't even got any pants on!" I was trippin for a minute, but then I was like, "It's cool, like whatever. I ain't got nothin to be ashamed of. "

CC: What's next on the horizon for you? Another liquor store heist, a bar maybe? Or do you have your eyes on something even bigger: commercial arson, a malignant flash mob, subway hijacking perhaps?

Tay Tay: It's always hard in a city like Philly to keep reinventing crime. There are just so many outrageous and amazing things happening everywhere, especially in places where you'd least expect it. Affluent home invasions, daytime drive-bys, unprovoked beatings...its hard to innovate, but Tay Tay keeps it real. I'm always thinking of impressive new ways to scare young, blooming families back to the burbs where they belong. Philly is for ballers, not strollers. 

CC:  Well as always, thanks for your time Tay Tay, and if you wouldn't mind, I'd appreciate if you could return the iPad and coconut water you just removed from my backpack. Thank you. 

No comments:

Post a Comment