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Ladies and gentlemen, Voyager 1 has left the solar system! For those of you who don't know what that means, shame on you. It's the first man-made object ever to leave our quaint, little galactic neighborhood in the history of time. Except if you're a Scientologist, and that already happened 75 million years ago when Xenu and his confederacy traveled to our planet in a modified DC-8 and nuked our volcanoes and imprisoned billions of souls in vacuum tubes and implanted toxic memories into their psyche. If you're not very familiar with the Church of Cruise, please have a looksee. It's the best thing you'll read this cosmological decade. The Rabbit Hole. I read on TMZ once that Travolta pays his masseuses to dress up like Xenu before he assaults them. Not sure if that's true.